I’ll Believe it When I See It

Religion has always created more questions than answers for me.

Technically, I’m Catholic but I haven’t been a practicing anything in a very long time. I’ve done a little bit of research into a lot of different religions, and I can’t find one that feels right. I don’t know what I believe, but I know what I don’t believe, and I figure that’s at least a start.

I don’t believe that “God” made the universe and everything in it, especially in 7 days. Give me a break. I do believe in Darwin’s theory of evolution, thank you.  Science has tested that theory and proven it enough times for me to feel comfortable accepting it. I’m very much one of those “gotta see it to believe it” gals. Does it mean I don’t believe in A God, or some higher power or supreme being? The jury is still out on that.

I don’t believe that Jesus was the son of “God” who was born to take away the sins of the world, and did so by dying. I suppose once upon a time there may have been a man named Jesus, but that’s as far as I’ll go.

I’m not sure what I believe about an afterlife. I believe that our pets go to Rainbow Bridge and that we do see them again. I think there’s some merit to the whole idea of reincarnation and past lives. But that would also mean that at some point you’ve learned all the lessons you were supposed to and you’re done. So then what? I don’t know.

I do know that in the very deepest moments of my depression, when I was thisclose to ending everything, I would stop and think to myself “But if I kill myself now, am I going to turn around and be reincarnated into the same hell?” Because honestly, I was 20 to 30 years into my hell at that point. There was no way in the world I wanted to come back and relive 20 to 30 more years of hell if I didn’t have to. If I could stay strong and push through and get past the depression in THIS life, then I could enjoy the rest of my time here and not have to worry about it in the next lifetime.

The flip side of this is that I did push through and find a successful treatment for the depression, at 30. So does that mean that nothing I do after 30 matters? The rest of this lifetime is just gravy? Or is there some OTHER lesson I’m supposed to learn this time around? I think there might be, but that’s a subject for another day.

I don’t believe that there is a place made of flames where the devil lives and all the horrible people go when they die. I do think there is some type of eternal punishment for the murderers, rapists, and dog abusers of this lifetime. But maybe that has more to do with the life they come back to when they’re next reincarnated. Or what their soul has to go through after this lifetime ends and before the next life starts.

I do believe in the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” And for the times that you slip and forget the Golden Rule, I also believe in Karma.

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10 Responses to I’ll Believe it When I See It

  1. Maureen Young says:

    Great thoughts Kelly….although being a imperfect christian who has been on a journey to find God it has been an up and down road. What I have learned is I cannot control my world…and life has lessons to teach me. Am I angry about that…no….I am a direct result of my life experiences. Alot of times when I am down I listen to others who have it way worse than me and my problems seem small in comparison to theirs. I donot believe of random things happening…they all have a purpose and are put smack in front of me. Do I respond in love? This is what I saw this past weekend…a doggy event with other dog people…who love and would do anything for the dogs…each person was on antidepressants. I thought to myself…wow…are there any peeps out their who can forge ahead no matter what life hands them with out the help of drugs? Where do you go when your at your lowest? Are we as a group of humans helping other humans…do we have physical contact with other humans or do we hide behind our computers…sad and lonely? God has never let me down….I ask for help and I get just what I need at the moment and sometimes the answer is NO. But in all that the next door that opens is always what I need in the moment. He has never left me alone and through all of lifes ups and downs I have peace. See I dont worry….its not in my control to begin with. I think this blog is a great thing for you…enjoy your journey of life…its short enough.

    • crisisinca says:

      Thanks Maureen. I’m glad your faith helps you. I know that without the medical intervention I had to treat my depression, I would not have survived it. I *wanted* to be well, my friends and family and I prayed that I would feel better. But you can’t will yourself cured of depression, no matter how strong your beliefs. It was one of the things that solidified my LACK of faith.

  2. What I DO believe is that your’re starting on a whole new journey, and there are going to come many wonderful even extraordinary experiences your way, which will make it all worthwhile. In my experience it’s all about asking the meaningful questions – and finding a little trust within yourself that you’ll get the answers :-)


  3. Karri says:

    Two words:

    LOVE. IT!

    Oh, and a wee bit eerie considering our most recent conversation!

    Keep it up girl, it’s great to see you writing. :)

  4. divawammabe says:

    Loved this spot on. I worked for a Native American tribe and they respected every aspect of life down to the smalled bug. They believe in the Creator, who could be a woman. Religion here on earth is written (mostly) by men, and from their point of view. I do not need to ascribe to another persons description of the afterlife. I have my own and I am cool with it. I totally agree with your last sentence. Do onto others… I am not interested in any religion that discriminates. If there is a “God” she/he selectively choses who is worthy of redemption and love, ??.. The bible is only a book written by men. It might be a good book, but that is what it is. If it gives some comfort, great. But I do not believe in a mean, damning punishing god. That makes no sense.
    On depression. Had it, still do and work on it everyday. Better diet(vegetarian), sunlight, yoga and pets are very helpful. Nice job here! thanks for your insight.

    • crisisinca says:

      Thank you for stopping by and for lending your insight on Native American beliefs. You do make a good point about the “mean, damning punishing god.” This is someone/thing we’re supposed to hold the highest esteem for and yet we’re also supposed to fear him and his “wrath”? That’s not the kind of relationship I want to have with ANYTHING!

  5. PittieBoo says:

    Kelly- I could have written this myself. With Max’s passing, I am questioning the “after” more than I ever have before. If there is any sort of heaven, then it is surely filled with dogs.

    • crisisinca says:

      Jen, as much as I question everything, the idea that our puppers are waiting for us at Rainbow Bridge and that we will see them again eventually is not one of them. I believe that with my whole heart.

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