Coffee Jams: Oldies but Goodies #COFFEEJAMS

Confession time. I go to 7-11 every morning for coffee. I either drive past on my way to a client’s office or I walk on the days I’m working from home and on weekends. The 7-11 I go to always has fun music on. Blast-from-the-past kind of fun. I always end up bopping my head while I’m there, and it puts a smile on my face.

I finally asked if they were using a regular radio station or a Sirius station or what, and it turns out they’re listening to… an OLDIES radio station!!!  Get out of here, these are not oldies, these are CLASSICS!

Anyway, I’ve decided to start sharing the joy of my mornings with you. I don’t have one every day, because sometimes the DJ’s are talking while I’m there, but on the mornings when the song hits home, I’ll post it for your nostalgic pleasure. Or just to laugh at this apparent old lady.

This morning’s #COFFEEJAMS post:

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What is is about 29?

This article crossed my feed on Facebook yesterday. It immediately got my attention, as I was also 29 when I decided I was incurable and that life was no longer worth living. Luckily for me, my bipolar doesn’t have a psychosis diagnosis along with it, so while staying on my meds was a challenge at first, it did eventually sink in.  I was able to beat my demons far enough into submission to make it to, so far, 44, and life has definitely been worth living.

I may have gone into detail about all of that earlier on here, I really can’t remember right now. So maybe I’ll talk about it more in a later post. For now, I leave you with this:

Capture

My daughter, who lost her battle with mental illness, is still the bravest person I know

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Happy No-Father Day

dark-tree-rising-imageApparently on Oprah there’s been a lot of discussion lately about fatherless sons and daughters. I don’t watch Oprah’s network, so I have no idea what that’s all about. But tomorrow is Father’s Day, the TODAY show just did a whole week of inspirational real dad stories, everyone on Facebook is loving all over their dads, and other than the World Cup, Twitter is full of Father’s Day sentiments. Not to mention the ads on good old fashioned television telling us what we need to buy for dear old dad on this special day.

But guess what? Not everyone has a dad, or at least not one with whom they have a relationship.

In 2000, I sent my father a letter telling him that unless he grew up and accepted responsibility for his actions (past, present, and any in the future), he could stop calling me, because I needed a father who was going to engage in life as an adult would, not as someone with the emotional maturity of a two-year old.

And I haven’t heard from him since.

It’s been suggested that my father’s emotional short-comings are related to some frontal-lobe damage he received as a result of being hit by a car when he was out jogging, sometime while my mom was pregnant with me. But back in 1970, they didn’t have all the tools they have now to examine brains and blood flow and potential damage to specific areas. From what his family told me before they all passed away, he was a totally different person before and after the accident, and my mom is in agreement with that point.

Which is too bad, because I don’t know the pre-accident father. I only know the man as he was for the first 30 years of my life, and I made the decision that our relationship was too toxic for me to stay actively engaged in it.

When I was a kid, I idolized my father. He could do no wrong. He bought me cool clothes and fun toys and let me drink Coke and eat cookies all weekend when I was visiting him. He would take me roller skating, or bike riding, or anything else I wanted to do.

Of course, he didn’t pay child support.

And he only remembered to pick me up on weekends when it was convenient for him. There were several occasions when I was left at dance class or the babysitter’s house, waiting for him to come get me, only to see my mom show up hours late because he was once again a no-show.

He was a master manipulator. If he did something to upset you, he never apologized because it wasn’t his fault, it was YOUR fault for getting upset at whatever he had done. You choose the way you feel and the way you allow things to effect you, so if you were upset, that was your choice. He was blameless, regardless of the situation.

My parents divorced because he cheated on my mom multiple times. She would have proof of said cheating, but he would deny it and tell her it was all her imagination. Deny, deny, deny. It’s a great strategy to take through life, if you have no conscience. It also made my mom, and plenty of other people who were at the receiving end of his denials, feel like they were going insane.

But here’s my point. (Please, dear God, let there be a point to this post.) Not everyone has a dad with whom they can celebrate Father’s Day. If you do, treasure it, and treasure him.

And if you ARE a dad, whether you’re married or separated from the mother, STEP UP TO THE PLATE. Kids need dads. It’s the first man in their lives, and someone they are supposed to be able to rely on, trust, and learn life lessons. Dads are part of a child’s basic foundation, and without dads, there is something inherently missing from a child’s life, no matter how hard the mom tries to raise the child on her own. Girls learn how they are supposed to be treated by men by watching her parents interact. They develop a sense of security and a sense of self-worth from their relationship with their father and from his demonstrating that he will always be there for her, throughout the ups and downs of life.

There are plenty of studies and books and journal submissions about what happens to a girl who grows up without her father, I don’t need to go through them all here. As a 43-yr old female who is and will remain single, I can assure you that the absence of a reliable male figure from my early life had a real effect on the choices I’ve made throughout my life.

So, treasure your fathers if they are worthy of such sentiment. Men, make sure you ARE worthy of such adoration.

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2 days down, 19 to go…

woman_holding_fruits_compressedDay 1 was OK. I was hungover from a party the night before, so there’s no telling if my misery was because of the cleanse or because of the hangover. I just felt exhausted. And I was DYING for my coffee, not just in the morning but all day long.

Day 2 was a Saturday so I didn’t have work to distract me. And I was M.I.S.E.R.A.B.L.E. I never realized how many food commercials there are on TV until I can’t eat any of those foods. Even if I wouldn’t normally CHOOSE to eat them, when all I can eat are vegetables and fruits, an ad for Golden Corral or Subway looks like heaven on a plate. Dammit.

To give you an idea of what I’m eating, it’s called the Standard Process Purification Program. Here’s the Program Guide that tells me what I can and can’t eat.

In addition to those restrictions, there are a TON of supplements to be taken. First thing in the morning, I take 7 SP Cleanse pills, 1 Gymnema pill, 2 fish oil pills, 2 Vitamin D pills. In my shakes, I add 1 Tbsp whole food fiber, 1 Tbsp SP Pea Protein (dairy free), and 2 rounded scoops of SP Complete, which is supposed to add my nutrients for the day.

I’m supposed to drink a shake before each meal or as a meal replacement, so let’s go with 3 a day. I’m also supposed to take the 7 Cleanse pills 3x a day and the other pills 2x a day with the exception of the Vitamin D, which I only take in the morning.

Got all that?

Yesterday I was snacking on carrots and cucumbers like a rabbit, except I don’t like carrots. So I added red wine vinegar and lemon pepper seasoning to them and that made them…OK. For lunch I  had a salad of spinach, tomatoes, mushrooms, red peppers, avocado, with my red wine vinegar/lemon pepper “dressing” on top. It actually tasted pretty good, probably because it finally felt like I was eating real food. For my afternoon snack I gave my new juicer a whirl. Threw in carrots, tomatoes, cucumber, and red pepper and served it over ice. It tasted like…some odd combo of all of those things and nothing at the same time. It definitely didn’t resolve any cravings or hunger. For dinner I did the salad things again, but added a side of quinoa for the hell of it. Oh, and I drank about a gallon of water all day, half of it coconut water (organic, no sugar added) and half of it regular filtered water.

I was craving salt yesterday, and carbs. I would have sold my soul for a bag of Stacy’s Pita Chips, and later in the day for some sushi.

RestroomsTo top all of that off, the “cleanse” part of this thing finally kicked in yesterday, so yay for me.

Needless to say, I was a wee bit irritable on Day 2. Running between the bathroom and the kitchen all day doesn’t set the tone for a great day.

Ironically, when searching for an image for this post, I used the term “irritable.” All the images that came up were either a person in a shitty mood (no pun intended), or was about irritable bowel syndrome. So that seemed appropriate for the day anyway.

And so we continue with Day 3…

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Here we go again

blender3I’m baaaaack!

<sigh>

I’m so bad about blogs, I apologize for  my disappearance.

But I’m back today to make a confession and for a new start.

My confessions is thus: I’ve fallen off my healthy eating and healthy lifestyle wagon. Fell off and got run over by it. And in the process, have gained 30 lbs back. Maybe 35. I’m kind of scared to step on the scale these days.

I’m so disgusted with myself, my lack of willpower, and my ever-growing waistline. It’s really having an effect on my mental state, so it’s time to get back on the wagon. Or maybe just one horse to start with.

Today I’m starting another cleanse. It’s a 21-day program I’m doing through my chiropractor…please don’t randomly do a cleanse or detox without a dr’s supervision!

This cleanse involves a protein shake to start the day, a whole lot of raw fruits and veggies throughout the day, a couple more shakes before meals or as meal replacements, and a lot of supplements. I’ve had my first shake of the day. I need to work on the components a bit. It was pretty awful.

So, I’m off to chop up some veggies to snack on throughout the day. Just wanted to get this thing kicked off officially. I’m hoping this will help me be accountable throughout the 21 days. I’m hoping I’ll lose a couple pounds via the cleanse and that it will be enough to give me a kick in the pants to getting active again. Fingers crossed!

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